Old Phone, New Phone, Black Phone, Pink Phone

The phone on the left is my old phone, the phone on the right is my new phone. I just got my new phone in December.

I'll give you a moment.

With the technological advances today, this dichotomy seems kind of unreal. For the most part, people got their first smart phones two or three years ago at the latest.

Bur I just got mine in December.

Now, I'm not going to talk about the usual cliche arguments concerning smart phones and "dumb" phones, like how smart phones have created a more disconnected society or how they cause us to waste so much of our time, and how I wish I could have my dumb phone back, because I don't want it back.

And I don't think having a smart phone has caused me to be more disconnected from my real relationships or that it has caused me to waste more time, because, to be honest, I was disconnected plenty and wasting tons of time with just my laptop.

I'm quite appreciative of my smart phone. It has allowed me to send diverse messages to friends and family, like pictures and web links. When I receive a group chat, it doesn't get all divided up, mismatched, and confusing.

And I can receive sent pictures now! You have no idea how many times I've gotten a video, GIF, or picture message, and my phone has told me, "couldn't play message." I never knew what was going on in those group chats.

Plus, now I can access this blog, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest, so I can connect with you guys more easily.

And this blog has been so helpful in decompressing my thoughts and allowing an outlet for my creativity. So, when I communicate in real life, it doesn't come out as a jumbled, unorganized mess.

I like connecting with other people who understand what I'm going through. It's hard to find those people in real life when you're at the point in working through your anxiety that it's still hard to get out and about.

I will admit, I was pretty addicted to my phone the first two or three weeks I had it. From the app store, I downloaded Best Fiends and Mario Run, which I would play for hours a day.

But when January hit, I asked myself, "What am I doing? This is so dumb," so I deleted them both. I find now that I push myself to just use my phone for my blog and communication.

Don't get me wrong, I do go through relapses. After I deleted those games, I became addicted to Instagram, mindlessly scrolling through pics and vids that have pretty much no redeeming value. I also became addicted to YouTube again, watching videos until 3am or 4am.

I think I have an addictive personality by nature, and it kinda sucks. When I turn 21, I'm definitely going to stay away from alcohol, yes siree!

The only way I'm able to combat these technological addictions is through relying on God and His strength. When I try to kick these tech addictions in my own strength (which happens way too often), sure I can fight it for a little while; but then I relapse again, and that's when I end up sat on my phone until 3am.

I know in my whole being that relying on God's strength is the only way to truly win this fight. Not only that, it says so in the Bible, which means it's definitely true.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13

Also:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

These two verses tell me that no matter what it is, I can do it, as long as I rely on God to strengthen me. Also, if I keep myself in tune with God and what He wants for my life, He will lead me on the path that is most fulfilling. 

I'm working hard to make this truth a reality in my life, both in my tech addiction and my anxiety.

Let me know in the comments what you're struggling with so I can pray for you. Also, let me know if you believe this idea to be truth or not. I would love to know what you guys believe.

Anyways, until next time I see you in virtual reality,

k, bye.

Loving Myself

No, this isn't some perverted blog post about perverted stuff, you perverts (points to self occasionally). What this post is about is how self love can be dangerous, but how loving others can be as well.

There's a trend going around about self love that has been for some time. You know the one I'm talking about; it produced the t-shirts with the word "flawless" printed on them. Although I think it started out well, it has progressed into some murky territory.

The beginning of the trend was all about finding power in thinking yourself to be beautiful and strong, even if the opinion of others was less than pleasant (putting it mildly). That's all well and good, y' know, appreciating and lifting up your good qualities instead of tearing yourself down.

However, I think that can quickly turn into treating yourself like a god. A person can get so caught up in flipping off the world, saying your opinion doesn't matter, getting all self-righteous  and bitter, and not caring about what other people say at all no matter what.

And the problem is that if you make yourself the center of your world, you will never be fulfilled. You can never fulfill yourself, no matter how highly you think of yourself or how many nice things you get.

The same type of thinking can be applied to loving and serving others. Finding joy and thoroughly enjoying helping others over yourself is not inherently bad. The danger lies in looking for fulfillment within that.

You can also get trapped into relying on another person in an unhealthy way. If you crave other people's approval, if your reason to live is to make another person feel great or it is simply because another person exists and they are wonderful, you will end up hurting yourself and the other person. That kind of relationship usually ends up creating bitterness, anger, and codependency. Trust me, I know.

The truth of the matter is other people cannot give you what you're looking for anymore than you yourself can.

I hate to sound like the crazy Christian that's all like, "you need Jesus," but... you need Jesus. And I'm one to talk, 'cause my relationship with God is still learning how to walk. But I know what I'm trying to say is the truth. And I think if you dealt with all this for a bit of time, it would be hard to deny this: Nothing on this Earth can truly fulfill you.

Now, I didn't just pull this idea out of my butt; it's actually based on Scripture. And if you believe that Scripture has authority, it would be prudent to be mindful of these verses:

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.

This is the first and greatest commandment.

And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself."

Matthew 22: 37-39

According to this passage, the order of "love" priorities is God, others, then yourself. You can't love others or yourself properly without putting God first in your life. I've certainly found this to be true in my life.

I put myself first for so long. Years in fact, but I still considered myself to be a Christian. And the only thing that putting myself first did was breed more and more anxiety, until it totally crashed my world in. 

Only when I was at my weakest could I meet God and begin to know Him better. And as I have done that, I have found more peace and strength than I ever have in my life, even though I am still working towards my best self.

I also found a lot of my satisfaction and identity in helping others. In my circles, I was always known as the kind and caring one. I made sure I was one of the first to volunteer (at least, before my anxiety started to take over big time). 

But the problem was, when I didn't have anyone to help, I felt bored, lethargic, and depressed. So I served myself instead. And on and on the cycle goes.

Through so much trial and error, I have found that the only way worth living is to make Jesus Christ Lord of my life. But I know this isn't true for everyone. And I understand; I've been on both sides of this issue. 

Let's start a conversation in the comments. If you don't believe this Scripture to be true, let me know why. I honest to goodness would like to know. And if you do, tell me why. Everyone has unique processing and reasoning, and I would like to hear it all.

Also, you can Tweet me (here) or have a conversation about it in my Instagram comments (here).

Here's to open, respectful communication and getting to understand one another better.

k, bye.