The last few days have been a whirlwind of boxes and bags (wow, that was extremely cliche- sorry). But for real, though. I moved my entire life in 2 days, the first of which I got my period right in the middle of shopping for bathmats. Thank God I had a "just in case" pad on. Ok, enough with the TMI.
Anyways, moving while on my period has made me so inconveniently emotional. I've almost cried during commercials, t.v., random points throughout the day. And moving is emotional and frustrating enough as it is. To avoid any unnecessary conflict, I proactively controlled my emotions so I wouldn't snap at someone or set off a chain reaction of crying. I am good at this because of all my years of practice.
Why am I so afraid of emotion, especially at a time like this? Moving is supposed to be emotional. I'm putting a part of my life in the past, something to which I can never return.
So, my home life has never been ideal. And what I mean by that is that I am censoring it for now 'cause I don't really want to get into it. But I think because of all my issues with my childhood home, I don't want to miss it. I don't want to feel sad about leaving a place that has saddled me with so much baggage (no more cliches, I promise).
However, depsite my best efforts, I do miss home. I miss the familiar and the comfort in the familiar, even through it is unhealthy. Thanks to my period, and writing this blogpost, I have created space to miss my old home that I tried so hard not to miss. So thank you my cramping uterus (and thank you ib prefen); I think I can start to move on now.
k, bye.
